I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
