I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
