Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize