Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
