he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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