im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
