But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
