She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
