Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
