The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
