Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
