Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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