I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
