I want to have your abortion
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
