low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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