we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
