the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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