My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
