i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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