Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
