So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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