You work out of a Hotel?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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