Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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