I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize