Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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