Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
