I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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