Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
