Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
