I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
