beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
