My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
