No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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