bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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