i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
