you guys were way drunker than both of me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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