that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
