my vag is so smooth its legendary
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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