someone get that fucking seahorse.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
