the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
