can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
