i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
