Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize