I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
