We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
