I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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