Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
