the condom got lost in my hair
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
