Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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