his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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