Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
