He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
