you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
