A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
