Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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