I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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