p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
