i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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