I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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