I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize