A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize