Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
