I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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