If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ruined the universe
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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