i think my mom watched the whole time
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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