I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
