Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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